Leave you now with a smile
by raindrops
Summary: yeah i kno - lame title but who cares....Ginny saw something that scarred her for life and she can't take it anymore. songfic based on "Lovesong" by Amiel; PLEASE R/R IT'S MY FIRST ANGST!! I NEED ADVICE PLZ PLZ!!!


Disclaimer: Yeah well, I don't own Harry Potter, and I certainly don't own the song which is "Lovesong" by Amiel. I wish though. It's so frickin sweet.  
  
This is just a little something I came up with while I was listening to this song. I reckoned I better write it when im obsessed, and yeah - it's been in my head for like, 4/5 days. Sick of it? Not at all :P  
**It's one thing to ask why we break up**  
  
It's been a day since she saw him kissing that girl.  
**Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love?**  
That gloomy day. She remembers it like it was only a minute ago.  
**Can you tell me?**  
  
She was walking down that corridor. She had a free period. She knew he did too. She also knew he hung around there quite often. She loved soppy romantic cliches.  
  
**Do you know what it is you're looking for?**  
  
Then she saw them.  
**Why do we heed - that voice that says, "I want you there"?**  
They were pashing. This wasn't just a peck on the cheek. No, this was a full on almost on-top-of-each-other snog.  
  
He didn't even hear her run away crying.  
**Thanks you've been fuel for thought**  
She thought about him everyday. He was the last thing she thought about at night - the first thing that came to mind in the morning. She thought about him at meals, on the way to class.  
**Now I'm more lonely than before**  
She always was by herself. She never had any real friends that she could really trust and count on. Everyone just thought she was weird.  
**But that's okay - I've just 'ready made another stupid lovesong**  
She thought he was different. She thought he saw past her face. She thought she had changed him.  
**In a single moment you might be perfect**  
It was only a week ago when she felt his arms around her in a tight embrace. And whispered those words which were so important to her, which she had waited to hear from someone not in her family.  
  
"I love you"  
**And sit - in a window of my life**  
It was then she felt so complete. So whole. Like she actually felt like she belonged somewhere. Wanted. Loved.  
**But how much more would you yearn to see**  
Now she just felt it was so fake. She was so disgusted in herself how she didn't see it before. She hated herself for being so blind.  
**What I would strive to hide**  
When he looked at her it was like he knew everything. Her loves, her hates, he secrets. Her fears. Sometimes it scared her. Sometimes it was comforting.  
**Now there will be no compromise**  
But after yesterday, she showed no sign of remorse. He still held his head high, laughed, no guilt, no anything.  
  
That was what stung her. Painful.  
**So take it in your stride**  
She figured it out. She wasn't wanted . Nobody wanted her. She had no place in this world.  
**I will leave you now with a smile**  
She knew what she had to do.  
**Thanks you've been fuel for thought**  
She didn't spend all that time in the library moping around. She knew she was very strong at Conjuring Charms. "Boy, wouldn't Flitwick be proud of me now," she thought, as she conjured up a knife. "Didn't think it was gonna be this sharp, oh well, the quicker the better I guess," she mumbled.  
**Now I'm more lonely than before**  
She went out to the common room, and back to her empty dorm. It was dinnertime. No one. Good.  
  
**But that's okay, I've just 'ready made another stupid lovesong.**  
  
She started working at her wrist. A stab of pain made her stagger. Blood was pouring onto the floor. She fell onto her knees, losing energy. She started working on her other wrist and felt a fresh wave of pain hit her and she collapsed onto the floor.  
  
**Look into my eyes**  
  
She looked around for a moment. "I guess I was meant to die alone," she thought miserably.  
  
**Ours was no love sacrifice**  
  
Her life flashed before her.  
  
"Mummy! Mummy! Can I have a go on the broom? Puh-lease mum?" she heard her 7 year old self echo.  
  
"No hon. You're still too young. You can go on when you're older hon."  
  
"But, mummy, Ron is allowed! He's only a year older than me! Mummy it's not fair!"  
  
**It has helped us to grow**  
  
"Ginny, I have something to tell you. You gotta believe me, but I love you Ginny, I really do."  
  
**I'm sorry but I know just how far I have to go alone**  
  
She winced at those last words.  
  
**Thanks you've been fuel for thought**  
  
"Gin! Gin! I have something to tell you!"  
  
"What is it Ron?" She heard herself reply. Ron was her closest brother. She remembered this conversation loud and clear.  
  
"Ginny, I've noticed the way Malfoy's been acting while he's with you. The way he looks into your eyes - it's not love, Ginny. I don't want to say this but it's accomplishment. He feels accomplished that he's been able to have you, Gin."  
  
**Now I'm more lonely than before**  
  
"I dunno if it was a dare, or a conquest, whatever. But I don't wanna see you get hurt. It would be sad to see you cry over a sleaze like Malfoy."  
  
**But that's okay**  
  
"Thanks for the concern Ron, but I really think he's changed. Hard to deal with, yeah, but I really think he loves me."  
  
**But that's okay**  
  
"Alright Gin, I'm not gonna force you to end it, but just a warning. I don't wanna see you get hurt. Sorry if you think I'm intruding or anything."  
  
**That's okay** 


End file.
